The Hidden Brain Part II
Understanding How We Want to Be Seen By Others to Forge Deeper Characters In Your Stories and Stronger Relationships In Your Everyday Life
Most people say we’re completely different from each other. But if that were true, global marketing spending wouldn’t be 1.6 trillion dollars. Think about it. The practice is about finding commonalities with people who want to use your product or service so you can advertise more effectively to them. Here’s how it works:
First, they take an entire cohort of individuals who operate within a market they’re trying to sell to and engage with them via test advertising, among other strategies.
Then they collect relevant data from everyone interested in their ad and website. So things like engagement time on the site and whether they bought a paid subscription plan are just a few of the things they measure.
After, they rank you in a database from most active to least active users. Then, they try to find important commonalities within these ranks using people’s online data, which is neatly packaged and delivered by social media platforms for anyone willing to pay for them. Things like common interests, styles, choices, spending habits, where you frequent online, where you live (broadly), preferences, and outlooks are some of the many things they capture and measure to create an average profile that can accurately represent most people within each segment discovered in their market research.
From there, they leverage all that information about their customers to create more precision-based ads and content funnels, which increases the likelihood that you will buy whatever the company is selling.
Seems ridiculous, but guess what? This works! It’s not because we’re carbon copies of each other. Rather, it’s because we’re all slaves to the hardware we were born with and the few rules derived from automata that shape our reality and thus, our individual experiences. However, given the infinite number of variables that define who we are and who we become, no single individual will ever be the same, even identical twins. However, we will share enough commonalities for customer segments to exist, which big companies can utilize for marketing purposes.
Look, I know. This sounds depressing, and it certainly can be. But it’s also nice when you consider that a lot of us feel isolated from each other. Knowing that we’re more similar than different means we can rest assured. We are not alone. Also, since we share similarities, you, as a storyteller, can take full advantage of this for your content-building and networking efforts. So, you know. It’s bitter-sweet.
Hello again, and welcome back to Part II of “The Hidden Brain” where we’ll explore the most important takeaways for enhancing your stories and social interactions from the book, Six Minute X-Ray by Chase Hughes, one of the leading experts in body language and human behavior.
Last time we talked about the three broad layers of our brain that shape how we behave and the Four Laws of People that almost everyone abides by in some way shape or form. Now we’ll cover the six types of Social Needs and how to identify them in both people and characters within stories. Social Needs refer to what an individual desires others to see them as. This is often the opposite of what they’re hiding.
If you correctly identify someone’s Social Needs, you can make many inferences about them. This can be very helpful when encountering new people and for creating character behaviors that can help your audience understand who they are without needing to spell it out.
As we go over these different categories, it’s important to understand that they do not define who we are since we generally shift between them, depending on the circumstances and motivations. Real people have unfathomable depth. So It’s better to look at these Social Needs as broad universal behaviors where we, as individuals, hold certain preferences, adding frequency to some behaviors over others. Understanding them at the right moments in the right context can help you make better assessments about who you’re dealing with on the page and in real life.
The Primary Social Needs of People
Chase Hughes added this disclaimer, so I feel it’s best to convey it, too. None of these categories is derived from academic literature. It’s all based on his 20 years of experience researching and training groups on how to read people, quickly. Like you, I was also skeptical about this information. It just felt way too simple to be true.
So I tested this out with a colleague at work to see if I could make a better impression. Within seconds we went from casual small talk, which was always the case, to a highly passionate conversation about making music, something she deeply cared about. And that was awesome because I love writing songs. This positive experience would never have occurred had I failed to notice the little things she wanted to show me.
And you know what? The interaction carried on to the next day as we became friends. I even tried it with my boss who didn’t care for my personality (I’m an introvert). That issue was resolved almost immediately because, again, I was examining what they wanted to show the World and responded to that. In other words, I figured out their Social Needs and re-framed my interactions based on that information. Yeah. Powerful stuff. So let’s cover each category and see how these can be applied to your stories and networking abilities starting with Primary Social Needs before moving into Secondary Social Needs
Primary Social Needs drive our personalities and behaviors significantly since we often like to remain in one category, though, deviating into other categories still happens. They’re just usually short and specific to a particular moment. However, with Secondary Social Needs, we tend to move back and forth between the categories more often, even if we generally like to stick with one or two on average. That’s the difference between these two. Okay, so here we go!
Significance:
Here’s a great scene from the movie, Made, which sums up everything about a significance-oriented person. In this clip, two characters are squaring off. Let’s consider what we’re seeing, here.
One character is an artsy interior decorator dressed extremely flashy, walking and speaking with total authority like they’re the King of the World. The other, played by Vince Vaughn, is a lowly construction worker who gets upset when the decorator taps him with the whip to move out of the way. Vince Vaughn’s character didn’t take it like a lowly timid worker. He didn’t bite his tongue. No, this guy chose to make a big deal out of it because, like the interior decorator, this character wants to be seen and remembered. He wants everyone in the room to know you don’t disrespect him.
What’s fascinating upon closer inspection is that Vince Vaughn’s character dresses in a way that matches his need to be seen as a significant person. Just look at him. He’s wearing an Adidas shirt and bright red hat compared to a white undershirt and no hat like his partner played by the director, Jon Favreau. Granted, he’s not dressed like a million dollars, but he’s doing a dirty job. So how some people might look while shopping at the mall is how this guy looks when he’s doing construction work.
The Interior decorator and the lowly worker in this scene are significance-driven individuals. This means they both desire to feel significant and will ask themselves, internally, “Do others see me as significant or important?”. These people usually want to engage in behaviors that can greatly impact the people around them. They’ll relish their accomplishments and everything they’ve done for their community, friends, family, and workplace. They’re also the kind of people who will do activities or tasks that can make them stand out and be remembered, leading them to deviate from norms.
And of course, this is exactly what Vince Vaughn’s character does in Made. He constantly barks about how much he’s contributed to things even though he royally messes up in almost every scene. He also says and does things to be cool and different from everyone else, even going so far as to defy everything they told him not to do. Of course, most who fall into this bucket aren’t idiots like this character, let alone that stubborn and difficult. But, they do share similar motives that shape their behaviors.
So, how do you spot one in the wild? Look for signs like wearing flashier clothes and apparel that scream, “Yeah, I’m wealthy.”. Also, many people like this tend to display bumper stickers for causes they support. Showing cleavage or musculature is another big sign. But, perhaps the biggest indicator is their tendency to want to be the center of attention, make decisions in the group, and buy the latest gadgets.
Now how do you handle them as people and characters in your stories? It’s simple. They are showing the World that they wish to be seen as significant, which means deep down, they feel insignificant. So stroke their egos when you need to work with them and remind them, in subtle ways, how important they are. Never be overt as nobody likes a sycophant. But doing little things like complimenting their new watch or keeping them in the loop for tacit approval, even if you don’t need to, can go a long way.
If you need them to make a specific choice, plant the idea in their head by framing the problem in a way that leads them to the conclusion you want them to reach. You have to get them to believe they found the solution, not you. And if you find that you’re significance-oriented, be mindful of working with others who are like you as that could result in “Too many egos”, which could halt important decisions and lead to fights.
For story characters, remember that they want to be seen as a king or queen. So dial-up or down behaviors that might be associated with someone in that position, depending on the tone you’re going for. If you want it to be funnier, dialing up the behavior can do the trick, especially if it’s juxtaposed with a character who is far from significant, like in the movie Made. This dialing up and down applies to all of these categories.
Recognition
If Steve Jobs was a significance-oriented person then Steve Wozniak is a recognition-oriented person. Take a quick look at this scene from the movie Jobs. It’s the famous moment when Wozniak calls Jobs out on his bullshit, demanding that he acknowledges the team who built the Apple II. In this moment, Wozniak reveals his ultimate desire in how he and his other colleagues wish to be seen by others. Specifically, they want to be recognized.
Recognition-based individuals seek permission and approval from others. These are exactly the types of people Steve Jobs surrounds himself with in this movie. These are the people who often discount themselves so they can elicit encouragement from others to gain confidence and reassurance. They’re constantly asking themselves, “Do other people recognize my value and contributions so that I can feel confident in how I operate?” That’s why, in the movie, Steve Wozniak says self-deprecating things. It’s why he constantly apologizes and acts squeamish when confronting Jobs. And, it’s why he tried so hard not to make a spectacle of the moment until Jobs forced him to.
So when you hear someone constantly asking for permission or saying, “Sorry” all the time? Yeah, that’s a recognition-based person. They’re the type of person who will buddy up to authority when they’re scared because their mammalian brain tells them to gain approval. They’re also the kind of person who will change their positions once someone disagrees with their views.
The simplest way to spot people who are like this is to look for things like rigidness, imposter syndrome, dressing more formally than others, competing a lot, carrying useful everyday things to hand out to others (tissues, gum, pens, etc), and eating or drinking things they don’t particularly care for. They’re less likely to send food back or complain about service and will be overt in their compliments towards others. So picture an overly self-conscious writer on set acting like they have no business being there.
When working or interacting with someone like this, it’s best to alleviate their deepest fear: Being ignored! Compliment their work and showcase it to others. Let them know they’re a crucial component in the operation, and ask for their expert opinion, even when it isn’t needed. But most importantly, convey authority. Not power. Not control. Authority. Authority is when you show confidence in a particular area.
For instance, Craig Mazin is an authority in Screenwriting. However, he’s also not a cop, barking orders and demanding everyone conforms to his will. He’s just showing others that he knows how to tell great stories. Writers who are recognition-based will be more inclined to follow someone like Craig Mazin and show limited respect for people who don’t know what they’re doing. That’s because recognition-based people want to be around others who can help them gain recognition. It isn’t easy to achieve this if you work with people who can’t accomplish anything!
Regarding characters, just think about the cliche dynamics between a king and his right-hand man. The right-hand man who wears glasses, is buttoned up, and always on point, but quiet and reserved is the recognition-oriented character. So this character will do things to gain recognition. They’ll work hard, compete for attention, follow authority, convey self-loathing, and will actively seek not to be the center of attention, but the person behind the center of attention. So Billy Peltzer from Gremlins (in relation to his boss), Nick Hendricks from Horrible Bosses, and Mr. Smee from Hook are all recognition-based people.
Acceptance
The '90s had an interesting streak of conformist-themed movies like Disturbing Behavior, The Faculty, and 10 Things I Hate About You. I suppose it had to do with the angsty Gen-Xers writing for Hollywood, at the time. Take this “Final Battle” clip from the movie, Angus.
Here, the main character, Angus, a fat “loser” who was picked on by this jock throughout his entire life, is confronting him at prom. If you haven’t seen the movie, that’s okay. Just pay attention to the central argument in this clip. It’s about recognizing the value of differences over sameness. But if you look closer, this is a fight between Angus, someone who wants to be recognized, and this jock who wants to be accepted. Yes, that’s right. The antagonist jock is an acceptance-oriented individual.
This kind of person is driven by their concern for acceptance by groups, tribes, teams, and communities. That’s why he’s the star quarterback. It’s why he dresses like all the other popular kids. It’s why he’s very active in things that are centered on the community of the school. And it’s why he makes such a big deal about conformity to the point of scrutinizing others who express individual differences.
It’s because a person like him feels compelled to live in environments where they can easily integrate into them. And since we tend to repel away from those who aren’t like us, someone seeking acceptance will find it hard to do so in a World that celebrates uniqueness in character. This bully wouldn’t know how to dress or act in a way that could help fulfill his desire to be accepted because to do so means that he would have to adopt behaviors seen in people who seek recognition or significance.
Perhaps the angsty writers at the time made all these types look bad to prove a point about the toxicity of conformity. But in reality, these types of people can be great to have in society as they tend to orient themselves toward supporting and helping others, especially when it benefits the community. So all those firefighters and law enforcement officers protecting and saving lives are, on average, acceptance-based individuals. All those protestors and activists who pushed our federal government to enact the Civil Rights Act of 1964? Yup. Many were acceptance-based people.
Easy indicators to tell if you’re speaking to an acceptance-based person are things like wearing less flashy clothing, switching outfits to better match the events that they’re going to, having a more normal and less eccentric personality, joining teams or communities, wearing shirts that indicate they’re part of a team, being more willing to help others, being more easy to sway, moving out of people’s ways as others approach them on the street, and as odd as this sounds, but…Owning a lot of dogs, specifically small ones. So imagine the cheerful HR manager putting on all those team-focused exercises to bring the office closer together. That’s an acceptance-based person.
When interacting with this type of person it’s good to focus on things that will benefit the group and de-emphasize things that deviate too far from norms that they’re used to. Showing compassion and being firm on things that both of you can believe in is a good way to show the person that you’re similar to them in the areas that count. Moreover, including them in things like “Happy Hour” or “Trivia Night” can help quell their concerns about being accepted by you and the team.
Regarding character development, imagine the stereotypical coach in a movie. Dress them according to the cultural standards of the setting, have them be a part of a team, make their thought process more black and white, and emphasize their values, including the expectations they hold for others to conform to those values. And definitely make them the kind of person who cares about their community, even if it’s a crime syndicate. They shouldn’t be the one who stands out nor should they be the person that hides modestly in the shadows.
They should be a valiant soldier who believes in “The Cause” and will fight alongside the team to make things right. Dial up the behavior if you want to add a horrific or comedic tone to the character since this will make them overly stubborn and, perhaps, turn them into bullies like in those teen 90s movies. But if you want to convey a more reasonable version of an acceptance-based person, soften the behavior so that their strengths can shine while ensuring that their weaknesses continue being a conflict with others.
The Secondary Social Needs of People
In addition to Primary Social Needs, we tend to express a set of Secondary Social Needs. As I mentioned earlier, Primary Social Needs are the main drivers of our behaviors. In other words, we prefer to engage in one of these behaviors regularly. Secondary Social Needs are less significant drivers in our behaviors, which we typically shift between, even if we have a preference for only one or two of them, depending on the situation that we’re in. Okay, so what are these different types?
Intelligence
Remember when you hung out with someone who went out of their way to use big words and tell you about something heady like how isothermal titration calorimetry was invented to measure the heat released or absorbed during a chemical reaction? I certainly do because I’m one of them! Anytime I’m at an event with successful people who I don’t know but want to give off a good impression, I’ll do stuff like this. Only instead of talking about chemistry, I’ll talk about writing and AI. That’s because, in those moments, I’m trying to get others to see me as a smart individual. This is called an intelligence-driven social need.
The obvious marks of an intelligent needs-seeking person are people who like to break patterns or norms, put less effort into their appearance, wear bowties, exhibit deliberately enhanced vernacular, wear college shirts or rings, ask if you know things when they know you don’t, and overemphasizes the intellectual aspect of stories (like every Chris Nolan movie).
If you have to work with someone like this, then align their need to feel smart with the goals you’re trying to carry out. So if you ever want me to help you destroy the World, just express how much you need my expertise, give me ownership of the project, and emphasize how smart I am. Okay, you’re not gonna convince me to destroy the World, but it’ll certainly sweeten an offer that I am interested in…Like making movies about destroying the World!
Creating characters that are intelligence-oriented is very easy. Just have them come off as intelligent by adding in the necessary features (big words, messy hair, studious attire that’s worn, etc). But in addition, consider their greatest fear: feeling stupid. This should make them feel most comfortable in environments with average-intelligence people but feel like a fish out of water when they’re around intelligent people. And when their intelligence is challenged, they should be very concerned about setting the record straight. That is, depending on their level of insecurity. A very secure intelligence-oriented person will brush it off whereas someone who isn’t may engage in behaviors like this.
Here’s a great example from the show, Sliders. In this video of Maximilian Arturo, the college professor, we hear him retorting with a studious tone, using bigger words than the person he’s talking to, which fits his personality. If he used modern slang or a bunch of simple words like everyone else, it would be harder to tell that they want to be seen as smart. Also, notice the professor’s attire. It’s distinguished like he just came back from teaching a class at Harvard. He’s also wearing a bow tie and his hair is all too often messy in the show. This example is a bit cartoonish, but like the other categories, you can dial the behaviors up or down, depending on the tone you’re going for.
Pity
The best example of a “Pity Person” is none other than Daunte from the movie, Clerks. Watch this compilation scene where he never stops complaining! It was a fantastic movie, But, seriously, Daunte was annoying at times because he always ranted about how terrible his life was.
It’s hard to judge him, though. We’ve all done this. But some of us do it ALL the time, constantly ranting about how bad our situation is. When people do this in conversation, it’s their way of asking you to confirm that they have it rough or are in a unique circumstance that’s way worse than what others are dealing with.
They’re trying to gain sympathy by talking about all the pitfalls, annoyances, and misfortunes in their lives, usually in the form of stories about how they were victimized or had bad luck. The physical traits to look for when identifying a pity person are things like having an unhealthy appearance, hunched posture, visible disapproval on the face, an attraction towards abusive partners, lots of tattoos that tell a story, visible reactions to the tiniest pain, and an overall look of being stressed out.
The best way to win them over is to simply listen to what they’re saying and confirm their woes. You get bonus points when committing to brief pauses before responding and paraphrasing what they told you in the conversations. That let’s the person know you’re really listening.
For character development, just use Naomi from the movie, Waiting as a strong reference point. If you watch this clip, you’ll notice that she’s always hunched over, smokes a lot, looks way less vibrant and youthful than the other characters around her age, is always pissed and stressed, and of course, she’s always complaining about the smallest things.
I can’t remember if they ever referenced her love life. But you can imagine what her boyfriend would be like. And it wouldn’t be surprising to find a small tattoo on her somewhere that expresses some event pertaining to loss or tragedy.
Also, if you watch the movie, towards the end when things calm down, Naomi appears more relaxed and playful. It seems her default position when feeling the most stressed or scared is to complain, complain, complain (no wonder she wouldn’t stop during peak hours!). But when she’s feeling less scared or anxious, that’s when she acts cooler. So when in doubt, just compare your character to her and you’ll be able to tell if you’re making one that is oriented towards pity.
Strength
The last Secondary Social Need is strength. There’s a positive and a negative version of this, however. The positive version is someone who wants to be seen as a good leader. This often lands them into leadership positions, though not necessarily because they’re the most qualified. They just spent their entire lives behaving like a leader, which convinces others that they are one. Here’s a great example of a bad one in the movie, Daylight juxtaposed with a good one.
For context, they’re inside an underwater bridge that’s collapsing, and this person, played by Vigo Mortensen, happens to be a World-renowned mountain climber/extreme outdoorsman who runs a large company. Throughout the movie, he acted very confident and at times, arrogant, which fooled everyone into thinking that he was a leader who they should listen to. The only one who saw right through his act was the guy played by Silvester Stalone, who is an example of a good leader.
He isn’t arrogant or showy and is working completely within his domain. Meanwhile, the other guy thinks he knows what’s up. Sure enough, that’s proven incorrect when the extreme mountain climber is struck by a huge object and dies. That’s because he was pretending to be a leader outside of his domain of expertise whereas the other guy came into the situation with the necessary skills for the moment. In other words, one wanted to become a leader the other reluctantly became one.
Both of these men are considered strength-oriented in the positive sense, however, since both created positive value around them and uplifted teams of people. They just did it in different ways with different mindsets. A negative version of strength-oriented people are those who were typically bullied as kids and now they feel the need to assert their dominance, especially when shamed. If you’ve ever been to a crowded bar in any town then you know who I’m talking about.
They’re the loud, over-posturing person who freaks out when someone accidentally bumps into their shoulder, and they need to remind people how weak others are compared to them. That’s a negative strength-seeking person. It’s important to note that these people don’t need power. They just want to feel strong, and that’s based on fear whereas the positive version of a strength-oriented person wants to feel in control based on fear. So next time you hear some, “tough guy” at the bar say, “I know I can kill a grizzly bear with my hands.” know that if you call them out on their bullshit, they’ll get angry. And if they’re bigger than you…Well. You might have a bad night!
The outward indicators for a negative strength-oriented person are pretty obvious. People who appear stronger than the average bear is a big one. But there are other things like wearing brands that project power, having exaggerated postures, owning large dogs, avoiding eye contact during regular activities, making more aggressive eye contact when challenged, listening to death metal, and being rude to service workers.
For positive strength-oriented people, since they’re less concerned about projecting physical strength, the indicators to look for are those that you might find in a noble leader. So behaviors like elevating the little guy, taking bold calculated risks to save the day, stepping up to take on challenges for the well-being of others, being firm in their convictions, and showing confidence as well as a sense of ease under pressure, are some of the most common ones you might find.
The best way to work with people like this is to be mindful of your jokes, never challenge their delusions, and show them in subtle ways how much you fear and respect their “power”. Just don’t be over the top, otherwise your dignity goes out the window! And if you need them to do something they don’t want to do, just remind them that everyone depends on their strength. That’ll soften them up to almost any idea.
For character development, it’s probably too easy, which makes it a common behavioral trait for main characters, especially in action movies. You’re probably already thinking, “John McClain, Rocky, Swarzeneager in every movie.”. And you’d be right, at least for positive versions of strength-oriented characters. But for negative ones, you’d want to refer to characters like Biff from Back to the Future or pretty much any bully in a high school drama. If you want to make this attribute more subtle, have them work a job that isn’t strictly strength-based but doing things that are, such as boxing on their off-time and being loud at social gatherings. Here’s a good example of what I’m talking about from this scene in Falling Down where we see the police chief interact with the officer hunting down the main villain.
Again, it’s important to note that these categories are generalizations rather than absolutes. Most of the time, people won’t fit neatly into any of these buckets, nor should your characters. The key is to examine the averages of the traits. Does this person, on average, exhibit traits that best fit this category or another? That’s how this should be viewed. If your characters have some traits that don’t fit into these categories, that’s great because you’re only making them more authentic. Just be mindful of the average behaviors, overall. That’s what paints the picture for your audience so they can quickly understand your characters.
Conclusion
What makes these Primary and Secondary Social Needs categories so powerful, when it comes to character development and finding opportunities within your social networks, is that you can make so many inferences about a person using limited information. This makes it great for subtext considerations when crafting your stories. It can also make it easier to understand someone you’re meeting for the first time, which leads to more positive interactions that can have long-lasting effects.
This is because you’re communicating with the person behind the mask, not just the mask, itself. So now when you see a “tough guy” who needs to be persuaded, you’ll understand that their behaviors stem from their fear of not having control or power in their lives and can respond in ways that soothe or accentuate their fears. You’ll know that someone saying “sorry” all the time is a person who desires to be recognized over accepted or significant, which means you can behave in ways that facilitate this desire.
This sounds like voodoo magic, but try it out, sometime. You won’t know every detail about a person and the nuances in their personalities, but you’ll be able to understand their average behaviors and what drives them/turns them away. That can be the difference between striking an important deal or creating characters that can move an audience.
Okay, so that’s gonna do it for part two. In the third and final installment of this blog, we’ll go over decisions. What drives people to make choices? What are the different kinds of choices people make? How do you spot these choice preferences in individuals? And most importantly, how do you apply all of this information to the real world and your stories? I’m very excited to share these insights! So until next time, best of luck in your creative endeavors!
Story Prism
___________________________________